At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
