i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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