They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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