Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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