Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
