I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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