Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
