yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
