so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
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I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
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Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
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