Tell her she can't have a vagina
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
