I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize
