dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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