Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
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You. Win. At. Life.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
The uberlube is also flammable
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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