6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Yo dont text me then not text me
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
