i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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