I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
