He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
