dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
