We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
