dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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