ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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