hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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