better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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