I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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