he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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