Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I think i peed on brittanys purse
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
