Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
