you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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