4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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