Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
