Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
