ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
