You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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