try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
