Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
