Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
My ATM looks so different sober.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
