the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
