I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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