HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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