I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
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