she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I show you my penis last night?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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