and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
