So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
