your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
