i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
