I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
