i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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