Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
