Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
