Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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