Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
