Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We talked him into tasing himself.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
