do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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