eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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