i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
