It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize