do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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