He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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